There are no rewind buttons in conversations.
I’m just kidding! On the surface, the harmless phrase is merely a throw-away line tacked onto a statement's end—most often paired with a smile or a chuckle. We use the phrase “I’m just kidding” as a rewind button that erases what we just said. Those three words, no matter how they are delivered, do not have the power to rewind. You are not transported back in time to the moment before you spoke – they are out there.
And, if you’re honest, you meant what you said. You were itching to get the words out, hoping they resonate. Your inner monitor recognized that what you wanted to say was inappropriate or mean-spirited. However, your inner monitor did not win out – but was overpowered by your inner child! You couldn’t or didn’t stop yourself, so the “I’m just kidding” phrase is tossed out – deflect with a bit of levity. You hope that it gives you a free pass.
You have options beyond the ineffective, sarcastic, magical thinking rewind button approach.
Option 1 - Say what you mean constructively and tactfully – if it needs to be said, have a difficult conversation providing feedback that someone may not want to hear but needs to receive.
Option 2 – Stay silent, be a passive observer, channel your inner kindergarten teacher and the “if you can’t say something nice…” rule.
Option 3 - Vent by writing an email rant itemizing how much this is bugging you and never sending it.
If you’re a leader – you recognize the context and know what to do. That doesn’t mean you will always be able to do it. I have a few conversations from decades past that are as clear as yesterday. I couldn’t help myself. While they provide a cautionary tale and comic relief that I share occasionally, they weren’t my proudest moments. I learned.
So, I challenge you to take note every time you hear or say, “I’m just kidding,” Think about the kind of leader you want to be and make a different choice.
Remove these words from your vocabulary for a month—or better yet, permanently.
You may be surprised at how others use the phrase when you run it through your filter. “I’m just kidding” is not a rewind button—those are few and far between in life—and I’m not kidding!
